khraalnov4f9m


мы не помощники шерифа- мы принцессы

Кто нас не любит, тот просто нам завидует


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not a person will enjoy?...
khraalnov4f9m
Here... if we use this russian word, that is to ПЕРЕЖИВАТЬ... and for my foolishness--damn who knows how to describe it in english...

Yes, i am now, perezhivayu , as always?... since the day i came here...

I found that even in childhood, not a single person said to me tian, you are just such a kook...Kook! how can you learn such slowly everything?... --No one had told me that...so, sorry for these all lately...i had never known about how i am, who i am clearly. i don t know that i am a SHITHEAD stupid thing. i had never known that i can do nothing, that even languages i can not learn fast enough...so that, for what stupid reason i will still stay here?...(not only russia, but...)

if i had have known, that to learn German in Russia, i have to suffer these long long long-useless Theorem of PHONETICS-- if (for example) i will read i , then, where to put my tongue, where to put my lips, how to move my mouth and throat and how many teech should be shown, how far will put the teeth on the top and under between... how to call every little part...how the air will run...
:(((
and the teacher seemed to be wondered , because i never had seen these words before, i don t know them both in russian and in german, and in english i can t express, and even in chinese i don t know each word/letter, and even for chinese language i don t know how s the sistym of the phonetics, i don t know the movement of my sprechorgane even while i m speaking out MY NAME --yeah, she is right...why i just NEVER KNOW THESE ALL?????? why i don t know how to build a russian word, although in any dictionary i will never find the translation of the german word ?????????? why i can t do these all although even the russian people can t do it--even they can t translate the theorem from german to russian, even though they ve learnt GERMAN FOR 10 YEARS and RUSSIAN FOR 20 YEARS...

but the good, kind teacher just told me the truth-- why you don t know these all??? you have to know them, you have to translate them, you have to repeat them to me both in german and in russian, or i will never let you pass the exam--i am fair, you know.

yes, and this good, kind teacher thinks-- what a fool she is, she had learnt 8 months russian and 1 month german, but she can t translate these thing, although while reading, i feel not easy too

so, as what the GOD told her, for sure she will and would shout at me-- i see no difficuty for you to do these all. so, you are just FOOLISH ENOUGH --your doom is that in your life you can never learn something, you can not do not a single thing well!!!!!!!!!!!

i don t know why i am just so stupid always, fool i am, i know, always know but never know i am such a fool that even language i can t learn that everyone before is just telling me fake things--you are good at languages that if i don t go suicide, i am just wasting money here for my parents

and the wonderful thing is, my better, kinder Mother today said to me, while i m trying to express all my respect for the dear teacher, all my agreements with her words and shouthing,--my mother just said to me-- i see also no difficuty for you, why don t you ask your classmates for help? you re just such a arrogant people--why don t you ask them? why don t you anyhow study??? i know that you NEVER STUDY, don t you? if you study, why you don t know it--for sure, these all are just as simple as what i am talking in chinese...

Yes, she is right too, why don t i ask for my classmates, Oh please my beloved ones, please translate each of the word for me, and how to build a sentence in russian with these long words, and please translate that long text with long theolem for me--it s not so long, only more than 2000 words... and i will pay you nothing, anyway i call for help and for sure you will help me!!!

why don t i do??? i never had known that there will be someone who will help you without meaning and payment, and willing and will help you before he had done what he needs to do

and i today for the first time know, that each day stay with 4 languages, in university for 14 hours, never stop writing and while back home, still only stay with dictionarys means NEVER STUDY

and i for this second, finally know, that i am such a ARROGANT people, because i sometimes think, that i, will somehow manage to do something
--for wanting not to be ARROGANT, i will, for sure never say again, that i can study, i know this word, i have hope, life is nice...

and for ...

no complain will go to my mother, no good study will go to my teacher, no smile will go to my life, no hope will go to the furture.
Good furture...

for saving money, i am sure no one in china will see me again lately. not internet, not telephone...
for not wasting time, no one will have chance to talk with me again.
for punish myself, God, the knif will cut me again, i BET, i will never again treat me as a human, no... becvause i am only a BEAST, worthless useless beast. only worth to be feed with shit.

loneliness will go with me, and it is my friend, my mother, my hope, my teacher, my life. because even my mother doesn t want me/care about me anymore. i m sure, only loneliness will understand me more.

?

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